— Trigger and Content Warning —
Like with the “Friendship Breakup” series, over the next few weeks, I’ll be answering commonly asked questions surrounding, specifically, Dr Ford and the entire fiasco that we just watched.
As this topic is of a sensitive nature, and many of you may have questions or stories you’d like to share or have answered, please feel free to drop a message in my Facebook inbox or DM me on my Instagram, @thingscarlaloves. You do not have to share your story in the comment section (or anywhere else) if you do not feel comfortable.
As always, there will be a list of helpline services added, if you need help. I strongly urge that you confide in someone you trust in order to help you heal.
In my first Why I Didn’t Report, I discussed Trump’s role in the whole Kavanaugh hearing. There are, in particular, a great many men who seem perplexed whenever Trump’s name is brought up in conjunction with said hearing and seem to take great personal offence to it.
However, to truly explain why any of this has anything to do with Trump, I’m going to rewind to before the Kavanaugh Hearing (Part One) before delving into the significance of his comments during such a hearing (Part Two).
When feminists talk about rape culture, we aren’t talking about the fact that society, as a general rule, hates rapists.
We get that, for the most part, you abhor rapists.
The problem is that you often think of Criminal Minds style-rapists, when most people are raped by someone they know – which makes it very difficult to abhor the rapist when the rapist is someone you love.
Think about it – mostly for those who don’t believe in rape culture, I mean – and I mean, really think about it. Could you believe that your father, your brother, your best friend, your boyfriend, your husband, your uncle, your grandfather, is a rapist?
Whether you want to admit it or not, you’re most likely thinking, ‘Probably not.’ You cannot imagine someone you love forcing someone down, holding them while they scream and cry, pleading for mercy that will never come, thrusting something foreign into your body.
You cannot imagine them grabbing a woman who’s on her morning walk, distractedly listening to their headphones, and violenting raping her at knifepoint.
And the reason why you can’t imagine it because it’s a good chance that they would never do that.
They would probably be horrified that anyone could believe they could conceive of that.
But what about sexually lewd comments?
What about begging, pleading, oh, please, I just want you so much, it’s not fair, you’re so beautiful baby, I just want you so bad?
Because coercing someone is rape.
If someone is pressured into having sex with you, that’s not consent.
What about the fact your father is just oh so friendly and he grabs women a little more inappropriately than he should, but it’s harmless, because wouldn’t they just say so?
Except, it’s not, for any person who’s been grabbed in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, especially if it’s a friend’s father.
It’s menacing. It’s claustrophobic. It’s paralysing.
That’s all part of rape culture – the perfect villain combined with the perfect victim. The rapist can’t be loved, or important, or potentially inspirational. The rapist cannot be anything other than “The Rapist”, because wants The Rapist has an identity, we worry desperately about how a “little indiscretion” could “potentially effect an entire future”.
It’s an important part of rape culture to understand, because it goes along with who we accept (and who we won’t accept) sexual assault allegations from (just look at Brock Turner).
And Trump, by his own admission, sexually assaults women.
The woman he said he “grabbed by the pussy” has spoken out, confirming that it was, in fact, sexual assault.
Several women, including his ex-wife, have alleged that he has raped them, spanning over several decades.
He is constantly disrespectful of women, and despite his creepy, obsessive infatuation he has with his daughter (does this remind anyone of Hitler and his niece a little?), he states openly and loudly that women’s value lies solely in their looks and their ability to reproduce.
Once that woman serves a purpose for neither, they are of no use to him.
You can argue all you want about whether or not Trump’s treatment and sexual assault claims are relevant to his presidency, but you cannot argue with facts. I know that’s what Trump supporters do, because facts are pesky little things that get in the way of Trump’s dictatorship, but fuck off, aye? No one wants to hear your crazy-ass conspiracies about pancakes and pizza and Russia and how Trump is definitely not racist (even though he says he’s racist every chance he gets).
So, unless you’re a determined ignorant son-of-a-bitch, the fact is: Trump has a) openly admitted to sexual assault, b) has been accused repeatedly over several decades of rape and sexual assault, and c) he disrespects women every chance he gets.
So why is this relevant prior to the Kavanaugh hearing?
Well, it’s pretty simple, to be honest. Democracy is a pretty fragile thing. I know ya’ll think that fascists force themselves into power; I’ve heard more than one American boast that us poor Australians would never be able to fight against an ‘Australian Hitler’ because we have gun control.
They don’t seem to understand or accept the fact that gun control is fucking useless, because when you look at dictators – especially fascists – they’re more often than not elected. Communist dictators often take power during revolutions or after violent mass-destruction. (Prominent fascists in history who were elected: Hitler, Mussolini; Prominent communists who came to power after war and destruction; Stalin and Pol Pot.)
Either way, regardless of the ‘leaning’ of the dictator, they always get there by popularity. Even if it’s not an actual elected person (like Hitler was), a person often assumes power in a war-torn country, like Pol Pot was able to after the US decided to abandon the Vietnam War following negative press, or how Hitler used the Treaty of Versailles at the beginning of his speeches to help rally people (before moving onto his real targets).
Obviously, whoever is elected has a particular political leaning, and the leader will more often than not share their political opinion.
And that’s cool. That’s totally fine. That’s what a leader of a country needs to do – it’s literally part of their job.
The problem comes when that exact same person has absolutely no respect for more than half of their people.
Trump’s comments, his flippancy, his admittance to sexual assault, and his allegations, tell the entire world that a) it’s more important to care for men and their feelings than to listen to rape victims, and b) rape and sexual assault victims don’t matter to you.
And before you say it’s not true, think about it.
Are you sure it’s not true?
You know beyond a shadow of a doubt – thanks to Trump’s continuous admissions – that Trump has done at least some of what he’s accused of.
You know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he does not feel guilty at all about sexually assaulting women.
You know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he not only feels entitled to grab you and touch you any way he’d like to, but that he genuinely seems to believe he has the right.
These are what we call facts.
And you really want to tell me that one of the world’s most powerful leaders doing this doesn’t have an effect on sexual assault victims?
You really are going to try and convince me that the leader of the country’s comments aren’t going to have a direct impact on a trial that is led by his supporters?
You really want to try and explain how this means you’re somehow not supporting a rapist?
I was raped.
What defence do you have when you tell me that the ‘good outweighs the bad’ when it comes to Trump?
Is it the “victim” card, the one you so often turn to because I’m pissed you think it’s okay that an admitted sexual predator becomes president because some bullshit reason about the economy that even The Simpsons knows isn’t fucking true because they predicted it years ago.
Don’t you dare.
We both know it’s a lie.
We both know you’d rather chalk me, and any other rape victim up as hysterical than admit the truth:
That Trump’s actions, words and omissions impact the entire country.
That Trump’s actions, words and omissions impacted that trial.
That Trump’s actions, words and omissions potentially impeded a proper, formal investigation into Kavanaugh’s hearing even before the trial started (as it should have been).
Trump’s words tell men that it’s socially acceptable to treat women like they’re possessions, because that’s what their leader does, and they tell women no one will care if it happens to them, because no one cares when the president does it.
After all, if the president keeps vouching for rapists, why would anyone have the courage to face that?
You really want to keep pretending like that was democracy?
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Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14
MensLine Australia: 1300 78 99 78
Have a question? Need some advice? Leave a comment or send me a question!
— Sources —
Bachelor of Education: English and History
Diploma in Criminology and Profiling
Diploma in Forensic Science
Background in law and psychology
Teacher 7+ years
Background in special needs, learning support – other specific teaching fields that required hands-on development.
NB: This is a declaration of the background of my personal knowledge, collected over the years via a professional form of education and development. Some of these take the form of actual degrees and others come in the form of necessary professional development. When doing your own, you should always try and verify the person’s credibility. My credibility, nor anyone else’s, is not with their education. Everyone has biases and no one is infallible. I am deliberately including some of my background education to highlight this, because you should be questioning information you are receiving.
The Hunting Ground