Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to heal from distant, rejecting, or self-involved parents, by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD.

The Chatty Introvert

My Copy: 9781626251700 (image from bn.com)

This book is pretty self-explanatory in what it’s about. However, it was still an eye-opener, because it doesn’t go for the easy, pigeon-hole answers and instead gets the reader to focus on the range of possibilities.

The word “immature” has always been a strange one to me, because where’s the line between mature and immature? Throw emotionally in there and it’s more awkward. Frankly, I never thought of myself as particularly mature, considering my general ignorance of social norms and whatnot that’ve been part of me all these decades.

But this book is not that hard to understand. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents talks about the four types of difficult parents: the emotional one, the driven one, the passive one, and the rejecting one. At different times, many parents may shift into one of these types, but the Emotionally Immature will be part…

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17 thoughts on “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to heal from distant, rejecting, or self-involved parents, by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD.

      • thingscarlaloves says:

        I know I’ve been sick and off-the-grid more than usual lately, but please know that whatever you are going through, no matter how big or small, I want to hear from you. I love you and only want the best things for you.
        Always remember our deal ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ariel Lynn says:

        I know you’re always here for me, just as I’m here for you. I don’t want to bother you while you’re sick, &, when you’re well, we’ve got tons to talk about!

        Ugh. Just so much. It’s all such a long story! Maybe one day I’ll write my life story; it certainly hasn’t been boring! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • thingscarlaloves says:

        Ha ha ha ha it’s one thing I’ve learnt, no one is ever boring! Well, you are welcome to email it to me if you want to and I can read it and we talk about it another time! Otherwise, I look forward to our emails when I’m able to respond more easily 🙂 xo

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ariel Lynn says:

        Oh, trust me, my dear – I have stories that would curl your hair. Erm. Well, maybe straighten your hair in your case. Your hair is pretty curly as it is. LOL

        Well, I do want to email you occasionally, but I don’t want to put any undue stress on you. Like, I don’t want you to see the email & think, “Oh, I’d love to read/respond to that, but I don’t have the spoons,” making you feel bad. I also know the twinge of guilt when you see an email in your inbox & realize you haven’t replied in weeks & it’s “out of date,” & then feel bad.

        Basically, I’m assuming guilt that no one has ever said exists. I’m sure, as always, I’m overthinking things.

        Liked by 1 person

      • thingscarlaloves says:

        Ha ha ha ha well, we all do that, don’t we? That’s why half of us are here. And I don’t think I need to explain to you just how much I overthink things … the amount of times you’ve been on the receiving end!!!

        Well, I would love to hear from you regardless, and you don’t have to worry, no one is feeling secretly guilty here 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ariel Lynn says:

        I agree – I think we overthink in a similar fashion, which is why I often understand you without much explanation. LOL

        Of course. I’m on notice now that, if you should disappear in the future, I’m to resist feeling guilty for reaching out. Honestly, I doubt I should feel guilty to reaching out to someone I care for at all. LOL

        Liked by 1 person

      • thingscarlaloves says:

        It was either you or my best friend Jasmine who said this to me once, but if someone who knows and loves you doesn’t understand, are they really your friend? I mean, I don’t mean using being sick as an excuse, but the past few weeks I’ve been the sickest I’ve been since I had meningitis – they have been brutal – but I’ve come to realise that the people who really do love me understand that there are things out of my control at times, and they know that I’m there, And I’m starting to distance myself from those that don’t get it. Not in a mean way, just no in a close-circle kind of way.

        And that’s what I think about you. I know you. I know who you are, I trust you, you always get back to me, if something goes wrong eventually you’ll say, if I’m frantic with worry you’ll make sure I get a message – I know you’re there for me. No matter what.

        I just hope you know that I’m there for you, too, no matter what. And I’d love to read your emails, and you can reach out any time.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ariel Lynn says:

        Hmm. I’m pretty sure that Jasmine said that, but it does sound like something I’d say too. It’s neat to think Jasmine & I might have some stuff in common; you’ve spoken very highly of her.

        We were discussing this very topic at my fibro support group holiday potluck this past week – Getting family & friends to understand our situation is extremely difficult. We look healthy, so we must be, in their minds. Our group leader asked, if we could say one thing to the person who hurt/talked down to/harmed us, what would it be; I said that I would want them to experience my pain for a single day. We all agreed that it’s hard for people to truly understand unless they experience it first-hand.

        Unfortunately, we also discussed how selfish the average person is, which makes it difficult. If people don’t try to educate themselves about what we go through, they can’t feel any sort of empathy towards us. It’s not mean to move away from people who don’t make the effort to understand us & what we’re going through.

        You know how people use the word heart-warming & we all assume it’s figurative language. But, when I read what you wrote about trusting me & feeling that I’m always there for you, even when I take a while to respond myself, I actually got a warm feeling across my chest. I’ll admit, I started to tear up a little. It was incredibly sweet.

        Thank you for being you. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • thingscarlaloves says:

        Well, I think the reason that you feel like you said something similar is because you have. How many times have you answered my desperate pleas? Take out Jasmine and take out any specific situation related to her, and replace it with so many others. It’s similar because you are a lot like Jasmine, and just like Jasmine, I hold you in high esteem. You are both amazing women, and I couldn’t be luckier to have people like you – and more – in my life.

        I’m really, really glad, because that’s how I meant it. I want you to know that I know you’ll always be there, and the only times you aren’t are when you physically can’t be, and I mean that in more ways than one. Sometimes we need people who understand our plights, and don’t personal offence to it. I think, between you, Rae and B, I have found a beautiful mixture of empathy, understanding, challenges, and patience.

        I’m the lucky one, and the best I can hope is that you all know just how lucky I realise I am ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ariel Lynn says:

        I’ve heard how highly you speak of Jasmine. It touches me deeply that you hold us in the same regard. ❤

        I think being grateful ties in wonderfully with your mindfulness activities. For people with chronic pain conditions, especially, & I'm sure some other chronic health issues, it's imperative to keep a positive mindset. Pain increases with negativity & stress, especially with fibromyalgia. There are some great articles on the subject.

        We're all lucky. Finding a group like this in the sea of those out there is unlikely, so to have found each other is something we should be grateful for, every day. ❤ ❤ ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • thingscarlaloves says:

        I’m glad ❤

        It has been. I've been trying to be more understanding, even when I don't understand. And I think I'm getting better at knowing when to ask questions and when people just want to have someone to listen to.

        And I've learnt a lot about myself, how to communicate my needs better, and when to walk away. There's been too many people I've kept in my life for reasons that don't make any sense, and I've just been removing them. It's weird, I deleted one 'friend' off of Facebook, and I was half-worried she might care, but I was 99.99% she wouldn't, and then she blocked me … and I felt this most astounding relief. Like, I knew I was making the right decision when I deleted her, but when she went and blocked me a few days later, it just made me so happy. I know it sounds weird, but it's like it reaffirmed I was 'right' or something, and I don't have someone I don't want in my life … and I think these are all positive things.

        I agree. Having people is amazing ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ariel Lynn says:

        It’s amazing that you’ve tried to expand your understanding. I think it’s important to listen & understand without judgement. We never know what drives a person to a certain point or decision.

        I keep trying to tell my Dad this when he gets upset over little things; I give him plausible reasons someone might cut him off, such as missing a turn or being confused. He claims I’m making excuses, but I think of it as trying to see events from the perspective of other people. Even if you or I might not make the same decision, it’s important to think about the perspectives of other (in a positive light, of course; just saying they’re terrible people rarely helps – although, I give you, it’s definitely the case in certain situations like the ones you’ve described).

        Oh man, you really made the right decision unfriending that person! If they wouldn’t even grace you with the courtesy of bringing up their feelings about being unfriended, that’s not someone you need to bother with. If someone unfriends me, it is what it is & I won’t even be terribly offended unless I’m incredibly close with the person. If I were that close to someone, I’d ask what was up.

        Just blocking someone for “unfriending” you on social media is ridiculous, IMO.

        Liked by 1 person

      • thingscarlaloves says:

        I agree!! I think empathy is one of our most valuable tools, and too few of us use them – I think we think we do, but what we sometimes offer isn’t the same as empathy.

        I don’t think you’re making excuses – I think you’re just being mindful of everyone around you, and of the fact that there could be a million things going wrong for them.

        I actually don’t think she blocked me because I unfriended her, I think she blocked me because she thought I’d care/react. She’s the bf of my bridesmaid, and the one that slept with bridesmaid’s bf that I know about, and as my bridesmaid, among all the others, did the exact same thing, I think she did it so she can join in on the ‘I blocked Carla party’. Except, I deleted her because I didn’t believe her. I asked her straight out about the Munchhausen’s, and she said she had no idea, and I thought that was a stretch, but okay. She made – on more than once occasion – about how she hated everyone in that group, especially Kelly, Michael, Mike and Sarah (the originals), and that she loved me. I even have her message here that she sent only a few months ago. But I’d had the feeling about her before, and I decided ‘Okay, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt. However, if my book comes out and (after) Zoey passed, you don’t say anything, then you aren’t a friend’. I figured, those were two HUGE events that happened very soon together, and I deliberately invited her to my free giveaway competition for my book, so she definitely knew about it. And if you can’t say ‘Congratulations’ or ‘I’m so sorry’ to someone who is meant to be your friend, then they’re not. So I deleted her off of Facebook. I kept her on Instagram, just in case I was wrong, but when she blocked me, not only was it like this great feeling of “Thank you”, but it was also: “I was right.”

        Like, I have been right about everyone and everything about this whole thing. And, in the three years since everything’s happened, not only do I know this, but I can prove everything that happened. (It’s taken a long time, but it’s actually part of the therapy process for PTSD. We have to line up certain events, and work out what happened. It’s a delicate process, because it’s not always about the trauma, and I flit between the psychologist and the psychiatrist. But, the psychologists and psychiatrist are aware of K’s past behaviour, so there’s also that. I think that they had a lot of power when they were able to control and isolate me. Now, they don’t have that, and it’s different now. Now, not only do I know I’m right, but I can prove it, and it feels strangely powerful in a way. Like, I don’t mean ‘I want to bring everyone down’ powerful, I just mean … powerful in your mind. Like, it’s harder to be attacked when you can literally go, ‘Ummm, no, that didn’t happen. Look here. A sold you out and sent me your messages.’ Does this make any sense?

        But yes, I think that whole entire group was beyond “ridiculous”. Like Shannon, the bridesmaid, who, as we dive into the rape stuff and the night I told her (and the fact that she was the first person I told), that her levels of betrayal – as well as Kelly’s – have really damaged the way I cope with certain things now. I mean, I know I met you before I ever told you what had happened – it took me a while to tell you, B and Rae – but it took the psychologist a year of working with me to get me to say ‘I was raped’, and I never realised that that was because of her.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ariel Lynn says:

        Empathy is hard to manage sometimes. If we give someone too much, we become overwhelmed by feeling their feelings. Then I don’t think we can offer as much as we can when we’re more pragmatic.

        The only problem I’ve found with trying to see everyone else’s perspective is that I find it leads to me procrastinating a lot. It makes it easier not to make decisions. LOL

        I think you gave her more chances than she probably deserved. Even if she didn’t notice the posts about the book or Zoey’s passing, the fact that you went out of the way to invite her to giveaway should’ve given her a clue to say “congratulations” at least!

        It totally makes sense that you feel empowered. Finding out the root of a lot of issues, working on them, & having the strength to call people out publicly for their gross ignorance & negligence. I’m so glad you feel so strong. Also, I’m very happy that I’m not the only one who saves all communications, especially with people I don’t trust worth a lick.

        Let me tell you – I have every communication I’ve made via email & text message with my new landlord saved. Especially since we’ve had to hire someone (our old super, who is a fantastic human being & whom I miss terribly) to do repairs around the house, which we’ll then deduct from the rent.

        It’s terrible that Shannon made an already devastating situation worse. However, I’m so glad you’re coming to terms with it under the care & guidance of a professional. Whether you told us about it sooner or later, the fact that you shared it with us means a lot. ❤

        Like

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