#StopBlamingWomenMakeMenTheProblem: Nicole Cartwright

— Trigger Warning —

The other day, I read an article by Jane Gilmore, discussing that there was no national outrage or outcry, and little had been said in the media, about the fact that just the other week in Australia, six women were murdered in five days.


Six women were murdered in five days.

As a result, I am working toward and planning to dedicate several Raising Awareness slots to the women who have sadly lost their lives in 2018, in Australia, to domestic violence. Hopefully, if we are reminded each week of their faces, their names, their lives, we will get over our compassion fatigue and start to give a damn about violence against women.

I would also like to take this opportunity to note that during this time, White Ribbon has decided that it wants to be “agnostic” when it comes to women seeking safe and legal abortions. They recently, and very publicly, admitted that they were putting money before the lives of women. White Ribbon has always been problematic as fuck, but I want you to blow this shit open. As White Ribbon and Scott Morrison and our Australian government tries to backtrack for openly fucking women over in 2018 and publicly admitting money meant more to them than women’s health, I urge you to crucify and bury both. I urge you to show Australia, our PM, and our government that WOMEN’S RIGHTS FUCKING MATTER AND WE’RE SICK OF WOMEN DYING AND OUR GOVERNMENT DOING JACKSHIT. 


As always, there will be hotline information at the bottom of the page, and you are always welcome to contact me on Facebook or DM me on my Instagram @thingscarlaloves if you need to talk to someone.

If you are aware that someone might be in danger, I implore you to please speak up. You may be wrong, but you may also save someone’s life.

One my favourite TV shows ever is The Fall, and if you’ve ever read my novel, You Know You Want It, you may even know what quote I’m about to reference.

“The media loves to divide women into virgins and vamps, angels or whores. Let’s not encourage them.”

You see it all the time. Women’s worth is intrinsically tied to our patriarchal society, if a woman is deemed unworthy (note that these offenses can come in the form of Lynette Daley’s, who is ignored because of the colour of her skin; they can come in the form of someone being too old or ugly enough to warrant a front-page photo (but those women are also reminded how lucky they are for being raped, because one should be grateful for such a trauma); or, worst of all, it can be a myriad of things but it all boils down to the same thing: You aren’t a victim enough.

You were drinking, asking for it, kissing him, flirting, something.

There is always something that makes someone not a victim enough, and its those victims that disappear – we never hear about them, or they’re a footnote, not worthy of disturbing anyone’s day of.

After all, it’s not like we have an epidemic of violence against women in Australia or anything concerning like that.

Image result for stella gibson quote gifs

Stella Gibson, The Fall

Unfortunately for Nicole Cartwright, she is the wrong kind of victim, so despite the fact that her killer still hasn’t been caught (similar to Toyah Cordingley’s case), she’s received very little coverage, and some of the coverage of her has not been kind.

Nicole Cartwright presented a cheerful front but was lonely and vulnerable inside. Picture: Instagram

Picture Credit: Instagram

I need to make something very clear: Nicole Cartwright’s murder matters just as much as anyone else’s.

She matters just as much as the ones I haven’t mentioned yet, or the media hasn’t covered, let alone named.

I don’t know Nicole’s story. What I do know is that, whether she had fetishes or not, whatever her explorations on new dating sites revealed, they are not responsible for her murder.

She is not responsible for her murder.

She did not ‘get mixed up with the wrong person’ or ‘meet the wrong person’ because she ‘wasn’t careful enough’.

She died because someone chose to murder her.

A woman who was searching for love after a break up with her boyfriend, who was on a weight loss journey, who passionately loved dogs, who was described as a ‘free spirit’ by friends, was beaten to death, among other traumatic injuries, before being abandoned in a Sydney park (the forensic evidence available suggested she was murdered elsewhere before being crudely dumped).

Her body had deteriorated so badly that police had to rely on forensic science to properly identify her.

There are very few pieces of evidence, and police currently have no real suspects.

There are no vigils for her, like there were for Eurydice.

I remember Jill Meagher’s brutal murder in September of 2012. It’s not imprinted – I can’t remember much about the date or the time or what I was doing in September of 2012. Despite teaching Jill Meagher’s murder to my students before, I had to Google when she was murdered.

Image result for jill meagher

Jill’s final moments caught on CCTV. PC: The Age

But I have never forgotten the coverage. I’ve never forgotten witnessing the CCTV footage a shop camera caught as Jill did a pause, and a double step back, before hesitantly moving forward to her would-be murderer, a feeling and experience I’m certain millions of women can relate to, before she was raped and murdered.

I remembered the public outcry, the wide search as police desperately searched for clues (which is actually an incredibly intense police investigation, which you can watch here if you’d like to learn more.)

I remember the newspapers, the magazines, the countless reports – there’s a reason why I’ve taught Jill Meagher, and one of those reasons is that there’s been countless documentaries and polls and reports on her.

Just like I remember Eurydice Dixon.

I imagine in a few years’ time, like with Jill Meagher, I’ll remember Eurydice’s name, too, even if I have to look up when.

Because those victims, even though they each received some form of victim blaming, Australia cared.

But because Nicole Cartwright happened not to be the perfect victim, her murderer still hasn’t been caught, which means that there is a murderer currently roaming Sydney, someone the police cannot yet directly tie to Nicole (despite the media’s dismissal that it was probably someone she was ‘involved’ within a Tinder-Gone-Bad date, because that makes it somehow suddenly okay because Nicole should have been aware of the dangers of dating apps but also not afraid of the men she was meeting because #notallmen, except in case she was murdered, then she should have known).

I honestly don’t care who Nicole was sleeping with or not sleeping with at the time of her murder, and unless it’s relevant to the case, it’s no one’s goddamn business but the police’s, Nicole’s and the people who were directly involved. I don’t give a damn about anything except for stopping slut-shaming and fixing rape culture.

So let’s remember Nicole.

Who loved dogs.

Who was a free spirit.

Who was bubbly and beloved.

Who are media and our government deems unworthy of our time.

Let’s #stopblamingwomenandmakementheproblem.

In Emergencies: 000

Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14


MensLine Australia: 1300 78 99 78




— Sources —


Bachelor of Education: English and History

Diploma in Criminology and Profiling

Diploma in Forensic Science

Background in law and psychology

Teacher 7+ years

Background in special needs, learning support – other specific teaching fields that required hands-on development.

NB: This is a declaration of the background of my personal knowledge, collected over the years via a professional form of education and development. Some of these take the form of actual degrees and others come in the form of necessary professional development. When doing your own, you should always try and verify the person’s credibility. My credibility, nor anyone else’s, is not with their education. Everyone has biases and no one is infallible. I am deliberately including some of my background education to highlight this, because you should be questioning information you are receiving.

External Sources

Toyah Cordingley

Search for evidence – Toyah

Potential Witnesses – Toyah

Eurydice Dixon

Man Charged With Dixon Murder

Larissa Beilby

Alleged Murderer

Accessories to Larissa’s murder

Jane Gilmore

National Emergency

Various people over from Hunt A Killer

Violence Against Women

Flight, Fight, Freeze and Faint

Dr Ford’s Testimony

Kavanaugh’s Testimony

Time’s Article on Ford vs Kavanaugh 

FBI Investigation Letter

Amal Clooney on Trump

Trump Mocks Ford

Mark Judge’s Book Confirms Timeline

Trump’s Lack of Empathy

Sexual Assault


18 thoughts on “#StopBlamingWomenMakeMenTheProblem: Nicole Cartwright

  1. Steve Beadle says:


    What if the Murder turns out to be a Woman? Will it still make men the problem? I read comments like this, some coming from very intelligent woman. So why do they make such a hateful statement about “Me”? or other men? Like others, I have never raped or beaten a woman in my life, and never will. I have always shown great respect. But how is that comment any different than the other side who blame the women for what happened to them. Those are equally as idiotic. We do have a problem, but that is with a very small minority of “people”. A small minority that makes a massive impact on all our lives. Nicole Cartwright needs to take a very hard look at herself and her life, dig deep and really find out where that came from. Because there is a lot of hate in those simple words. I wonder if she understands that the blame for any crime against a woman, is going to the sons of the mothers affected, Sons who love their mothers. Let’s put the blame where the blame belongs, with individuals who perpetrate these crimes. Blaming all people of matching gender is as stupid as blaming all people who live in the same suburb for one persons crime.


    • thingscarlaloves says:

      Fuck off Steve, no one gives a shit, no one wants your opinion, no one asked for your opinion, and until men start dying by enormous numbers by the hands of women, you don’t get to speak.

      You want to be a good guy, and be like “this doesn’t happen”, but it fucking does. Do you even give a shit how many men have murdered women this year?

      You don’t give a flying fuck. You want to make this about men’s feelings, but it’s about women’s lives.

      How about, until you stop being an ignorant fuck you don’t comment on things you have no understanding about? Because seriously, dude, fuck off. You have your fucking sources, that you can read all about, that prove my fucking point.

      If you want to leave in your ignorant ass-hat world where you try and pretend you’re a good guy because you don’t do that, then that’s fine. But fuck off, because you don’t know shit, and this statement makes you look like a fucking wanker. On the bright side, I’ll use it for my next post for: Hey, This Dumb Fuck Thinks He Knows Shit, But Apparently Was So Incapable Of Critical Thinking Skills And Basic Comprehension As Well As Clicking On Simple Links To Research Before Making An Asinine, Ridiculous, Absurd Assumption, so there’s that.

      If you actually want to be a decent human fucking being, don’t make women being murdered by men about men’s feelings. As you don’t, I’m so glad you announced to the world that you’re not trustworthy, women should fear you, and you’re the type of man I’m writing about. You’re the type of man that Toyah Cordingley wrote about before she was brutally raped and murdered.

      Did you know that particular hashtag came from her, just before she was murdered?

      Or did you just go, ‘You know what, despite like eight women being murdered brutally in a week, I’m gonna be a cunt because that’s what cunts do.’

      Well, congrats on being an obtuse cunt.


    • Bookmark Chronicles says:

      You do realize that she never said that ALL men were the issue right? Of course that’s not the case but that doesn’t stop the fact that in every case in this series….and in the very large majority of cases around the world….men are responsible.

      Also, the #StopBlamingWomenMakeMentheIssue wasn’t said by Nicole Cartwright. It was said by Toyah Cordingley – who by the way was also murdered by a random man (the link is below). Either way, for you to say that woman who’s name is the title of this article needs to take a look at herself….. well she can’t because she was murdered. For you to say that she needs to do anything falls in line with victim blaming, I hope you can see that.


      Liked by 2 people

      • thingscarlaloves says:

        Yeah, facts don’t work well with people live Steve. They just like to be cunts and be like “oh all the hyterical women”.


  2. Ariel Lynn says:

    Reblogged this on Writing Radiation and commented:
    There’s no such thing as a “perfect victim,” just like, in most cases, the perpetrator isn’t “perfectly evil.”

    Ultimately, we have to speak in “active voice” & put the blame where it belongs – on the person(s) who murdered these women.

    Liked by 1 person

      • seanyg0313 says:

        Yes agreed Steve in this case your wrong! And she is right.

        “Men” have been responsible for more deaths and rape and it’s statistically proven, including decisions that have killed innocents through war!

        This all comes down to men using violence to solve a problem, social promotion that men should be agressive and dominate. A flawed acceptance in our society that nothing can be done and this should be tolerated and laws can’t be changed which fail to protect society, victims and their families. Our laws are not working and neither is current systems and corrections. Men who perform these vile , cowardly, unforgivable acts need to be hunted down for the dogs they are and brought to justice. I’d like a special rape/dv squad patrolling our streets at night, in every state, more money spent on cctv coverage instead of roads.

        This major problem (yes to me it’s more important that other political agendas) , even though no one was asking for my opinion here I believe I’m qualified. I believe one rape offence=Should equal life no parole when convicted, 1 episode of domestic violence with evidence should equal min. 15 years in jail, life if found to intentionally try to kill no parole. And school mandatory education called Respecting Genders, drivers licence screening on all social media dating sites, police checks performed on more specific job roles. After Jil died I wrote a letter requesting this to dept of justice along and better protection for women in the form of pepper spray (which was legal in WA you know same state where they had the Claremont murders and no other state did!) I got a letter back from a woman telling me it wouldn’t be appropriate to allow anyone to have it! So how else can women protect themselves against those crazy idiots out there? Apparently it’s available to obtain for other uses but not self protection by women!

        About me: I’m not educated in Forensics or Criminology (yet), but my ideas come from the real life experience of being a survivor of domestic violence as a young boy present with my mother in the room a nightmare that haunted me for decades along with it’s devastating effect and hold it had on my father only to see him lose everything and come out a greater man by getting help on his dark side before anything happened. My heart sinks reading all this knowing I couldn’t help save women, knowing we need to make tougher calls by voting in smarter politicians, women with experience even to guide new legal / social improvement policies, a real politician who’s a real member for the people to submit and get through new policies around tougher sentencing globally (we change the law for roads why can’t it be done to protect women?) , smarter policing and an improved gender equality education. In 2019 let’s get smarter to protect our future generations to prevent this from happening again. Talking about TV shoes! I’ve seen The Fall , it rates but so does real experience can I encourage you to watch “Wire In The Blood”.

        Liked by 1 person

      • thingscarlaloves says:

        Firstly, I am so, so, sorry Sean. I cannot imagine what a childhood like would be, and I’m so sorry you had to survive that. I am so grateful that your terrible and traumatic experience has helped make you more aware and obviously incredibly empathetic, so I hope you’re incredibly proud of yourself, because you should be.

        I only include my professional information on stuff that I think people would want to read more about/explore on, and am definitely not an expert! I’m probably about as experty as you! I LOVE WIRE IN THE BLOOD!!!! It’s soo good! What other shows do you like? I love the slow-burning crime ones, like True Detective and shit, because I think they’re so clever. I’m not really a fan of SVU or anything like that, but those slow-burners are the best.

        Do you have any favourites?


      • seanyg0313 says:

        Thank you for acknowledging that, I guess it hasn’t been easy leading a normal life you know trusting people, having a relationship, forgiving someone who betrayed you and hurt someone you love. But I’m one of the lucky ones, my father acknowledged his insecurities to loss, his jealousy, his controlling behaviour which where the driving factors behind his DV, most men who have the problem don’t.

        Glad you like the same show 🙂 , I’ve just finished watching Broadchurch, I watched and also liked Mind Hunter (FBI) and The Blacklist. I’m also a gamer so much a fan of our DC superhero “The Worlds Greatest Detective”, if you know who I mean. Supernatural and X-Files were my previous favs. I guess anything that can’t conventionally explain certain behaviours or criminal acts I’m intrigued with. Recommend any other true crime shows? I could basically live watching Foxtel crime channel lol. I’m proud you’ve taken a stand against this and so should every man without question.

        Liked by 1 person

      • thingscarlaloves says:

        I can’t even imagine. The person who is meant to protect you not only hurts you and your mum, but then I’m sure you had the pressures of “not talking about it” on top of everything, which must have been so difficult for you to process. I’m so sorry. How are you with everything in general? I do have a head injury at the moment – all comments and private messages are from me – but please know if you’d like to talk, you are welcome to message me; I’ve just been a bit slower than usual in replies!

        I know!! How cool is that!? OH MY GOD HOW GOOD WAS BROADCHURCH? And I loved Mind Hunter and The Blacklist, but I was less interested in the spinoff with what’s her name’s hubby. Ha ha ha ha I don’t have Foxtel!! But I do love the crime channel. I don’t play a lot of video games anymore, but I LOVE board games!!!

        Thank you. That’s so very kind of you. I just think that things need to change, especially after last year.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. seanyg0313 says:

    Hey there!! everything is quite good in general here! I wasn’t really encouraged to keep quiet about it, you just have this fear of god put into you, you go into a state of shock you become withdrawn introverted and angry (and I mean incredibly) ,very protective of women in general, yes you end up hating men’s bad behaviour which I’m quite happy to call out even it means losing a man friend over, you find it hard to express yourself and yes you get sick of people asking why your not married, why your still single, or they make cheap shots on your situation or are judgemental. I’ve learnt over the years not to be too judgemental, though after the incidents it’s been hard hearing neighbors argue, domestic violence in other apartments it used to bring a lot of stuff up if you know what I mean! My brothers didn’t know up until a few years ago. I guess the hardest part is losing faith in the world. A world which cares more for road construction rather that personal safety for the community it appears. Yes broadchurch both seasons was excellent! But Im a bit of a soft touch when it comes to David Ts acting! Lol storyline’s were good, lot of setting up who could be the criminal which I liked. Feel free to email me sggilby@gmail.com. I’d like to share some more discussions with you, around what can be done in 2019 to make it safer! And chat about your education etc. peace out ✌️


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s