I’m A 90’s Bitch: 10 Things I Hate About You

I am not going to lie, I fucking love this movie so fucking much, so I’m interested to see how this goes! In case you didn’t have a good childhood, 10 Things I Hate About You is the movie that made Australian actor Heath Ledger famous, and is also a modernisation of Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew. The movie also stars Julia Stiles as Kat (the “Shrew”), and her younger sister, Bianca, as the beautiful one – keeping the themes and tones very similar to The Taming of the Shrew, and making deliberate direct references.

*** Beware Ye All Who Dare Enter Below, For Below Lay Spoilers ***

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For Aussies, I watched this via Stan. However, this PC goes to Amazon, so you may be able to stream from Amazon. 

The movie starts with the same song that I’m pretty sure every teen rom-com had during the 90s: Barenaked Ladies’ One Week.

Kat rolls up in her car playing ‘I don’t give a damn about my bad reputation!’ and all I can think of is this amazing, awesome scene from Shrek:

Oooh, I totally forgot Gabrielle Union was in this movie! I love her! She is also so hot.

Ha ha ha ha I forgot about the crazy psych lady person.

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I remember watching this movie just before I went to high school – I was at my friends, Hannah and Kathryn’s house, and I remember thinking Holy fuck is this going to be high school?

Bratwurst. Aren’t we the optimist?

Awwww Jason Gordon-Levitt was so cute as a young human.

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Also, I’m so glad that Australia doesn’t have cliques the same as America seems to. And to all the Americans reading this out there: Are the movies being serious when they all portray different cliques in high schools and your frat thingymagikys?

I burn, I pine, I perish.

That’s because you don’t have a Prada backpack.

You know, I don’t know how many years it’s been since 1999, because I don’t want to, because that number sounds greater than I’d like it to, especially because the numbers make it oh-so-obvious, but let’s pretend like we can’t math and just focus on the fact that Kat is still right in the year 2019:

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Slay, Kat, slay

The teacher tells Chachi that “One day he’ll get bitch slapped and I’m not going to do a thing to stop it” and it’s hilarious because that does happen (spoilers, but you already knew that).

I have always wondered though – why does the teacher hate Kat so much? I mean, I get all of it – the “upper-middle-class white suburban oppression” thing – but he always sends her to the office.

Bobby Something’s testicular retrieval surgery went really well. I still always laugh at that scene.

I love Allison Janney’s portrayal of Ms Perky. Seriously, sometimes I think she makes this whole movie.

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Ms Perky then tells Kat that she’s a “heinous bitch” and that she “might want to work on that”, which I know for a fact you can’t say to students. You have to word it in other ways, like, ‘Jane is a bit of a challenge and loves joining in on class discussions’ (which is teacher-code for “heinous bitch”).

We’d like to say these things out loud, but laws protect us from doing so.

Anyway, so some rich guy makes a bet to get Bianca’s virginity. His name is Joey.

I hate how all the 90’s movies have some bet happening for some reason or other.

It’s like the love triangle of today.

I know you can be overwhelmed, and underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?

I think you can in Europe.

Bianca and Charity take a lift home with Joey, the popular rich jock.

Cameron meets ‘The Shrew’, Bianca’s sister, Kat.

If you watch carefully, some extra is playing with a dog, and I love dogs.

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We then turn to Kat who is reading The Bell Jar.

Kat gets accepted into Sara Lawrence.

I love Walter Startford, he’s hilarious.

Walter’s House Rules:

  1. No dating until you graduate
  2. No dating until you graduate

Walter then tells a story about how he delivered a set of twins to a fifteen-year-old girl who said “she should have listened to her father”, but when Bianca says, “I’m a crack whore who should have made my skeezy boyfriend wear a condom”, you can tell he’s like, Kind of true.

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Dad realises that if Kat never dates, Bianca can never date, which is a better rule, because he thinks Kat will never, ever date.

Bianca is pissed and Kat is happy.

Bianca and Curtis-Cameron meet and devise a plan to get someone ‘radical enough’ to date Kat, because apparently dating a woman who believes in being treated like a human being is a thing.

Cameron and friend interview a bunch of guys who would legit be lucky to date as someone as hot as Julia Stiles, but have to settle for Heath Ledger, who a) was always hot and b) was an Aussie.

Because Pat sold his own liver on the black market (ha ha ha ha who is fucking dumb enough to fall for that?), they think he’s the best guy to date Kat, so they manipulate Joey, and this just gets funnier.

Joey asks Pat to date Kat and his reaction is very Australian. I bet this was somewhat ad-libbed.

I love Kat Stratford. She is the hero we all need. She’s like Batman, which is fair, because Robin is in this movie.

I don’t know why everyone’s into Bianca; Kat’s the one I’d be into.

Kat drives into Joey’s car and I wish I was rich enough to be able to do that.

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Only an Aussie would refer to nipples and beer. I wish he hadn’t died. He seemed like he was a good bloke.

The Joker and Robin decide that they are friends and partner up.

Bianca tells Robin that that her sister would ‘die before she dated anyone that smoked’ and let me tell you, that’s definitely my rule now, because I literally almost died from an asthma attack just from the stench on Ben’s clothes.

So yeah, no smokers. Firm rule.

I legit started buying black lingerie after I saw this movie.

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Michael asks The Joker if he should be drinking because he doesn’t have a liver, but what’s mostly ridiculous about this is that he should be smart enough to know people kind of need a liver to, you know, live.

The Joker gets pissy when Robin tells him he’s not pretty, which Robin quickly rectifies.

Robin tells The Joker that Kat has a pair of black undies, and The Joker looks like he knows what that means, but in all the sex I’ve had, my undies have been so many colours. I only bought black undies in the beginning because the movie said to.

I like this song a bit, it reminds me of the 90s. Don’t know it’s name though.

The Joker is wearing blue leather pants and even Heath Ledger can’t pull that off.

Pat asks out Kat, and his efforts kind of work. It’s cute.

Ha ha ha ha, ‘Should have used the window.’

‘Small study group of friends.’

‘Otherwise known as an orgy.’

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‘And Hell is just a sauna.’

Ha ha ha ha okay, it’s pretty funny. And I love the rules the dad’s about to set, too. I’ll make sure I write them down.

 

Kat comes down the stairs, and during the dad’s interrogation, Bianca begs her sister to go out.

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I really, really love Bianca’s red lace tank dress thing. I’ll see if I can find it, it’s soooo cute. Red is my favourite colour.

Bianca calls her dad severely unhinged, which is a mild understatement.

The dad’s rules:

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Fuck, what parties did you Americans fucking go to!?

I’m not gonna lie, I never went to a party in high school. The first party I went to was my best friend Jeremy’s as his 18th.

I love how parties just start up in 90s movies.

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Spoiler: It wasn’t Nigel, or Brie

Don’t try and pick up a woman by being arrogant.

Ha ha ha two guys take the fight outside via the window, which is still funny years later. This movie is great. I think the last time I watched this was with K, when we joined our classes after teaching Shakespeare, so it’s been a while.

Bianca is extremely rude to her sister, which I don’t understand, because she needs Kat if she wants to go on dates. I mean, even if it’s for purely selfish reasons, this is just plain obtuse.

Bianca introduces Gabrielle Union, which is like ‘second choice’ somehow, but it’s Gabrielle Union so it’s kind of like when they put Kristen Stewart against Charlize Theron. I mean, KS is fucking hot, but it’s Charlize fucking Theron.

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Like, it’s not hating on anyone. It’s just unfair when you put someone who looks like that up against most humans. PC: Snow White and the Huntsman

Bianca is quickly repulsed by Joey’s lack of personality, and realises she prefers Cameron.

Hey! Here’s that Back Into It song! I didn’t know it was in this movie!

Also, Julia Stiles can dance pretty decently.

The Joker gives an excellent speech about how someone is either worth it or isn’t, and fucking aye.

Bianca asks Cameron to drive her home, and Kat asks Pat to drive her home. Or maybe he just does.

Pat tells Kat that he prefers her to her sister, which any reasonable person would, but then grows a conscious, and Kat gets extremely angry at him, though I don’t think it’s totally justified.

I like that Bianca is at least willing to admit that she’s always been selfish, and then kisses Cameron, because she realises he has a personality.

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Ha ha ha I love Mr Morgan. I know he’s been a dick, but I kind of love him.

Ha ha ha Kat kicks a ball at their heads and she’s literally the hero we all need.

Ha ha ha I remember this scene, Bianca shoots the PE teacher in the ass.

It’s fantastic.

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Considering her PE teacher ended up with an arrow in his ass, it was probably wise that Bianca was paying attention until Joey turned up.

Pat is heartbroken because he likes Kat, but also needs money.

I love this song! It’s ‘I have a lover who has loves me/Why do you come here/when you know all the trouble I’ve caused’. It’s very pretty.

I used to think that Kat was just weirdly pissed, but I realise now it’s more than that. She’s just got her shield up, because she doesn’t think she can trust him.

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She actually gives him a copy, which is why he smiles

And she’s not entirely wrong.

But it does lead to Heath’s great song and then Chris Evans’ version in Not Another Teen Movie!

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Seriously, I’m pretty sure I waited for forever for this to happen (a guy singing on assembly at how much he loved me, not the banana split).

Stupid American movies.

Also, how big are your American schools? They’re enormous. I went to school with like 600 people and that was a lot.

I love how the teacher wants to get high. It took me a long time to get that joke, I think someone had to explain it to me.

This is the worst conversation ever. As a teacher, I’ve both made the mistake of not being careful enough with words which, trust me, if students think you’re in any way pretty will seize the opportunity to make it sexual, and worse, thinking you’re gonna get an innocent question because this kid wants to ask about a video with a boy and girl in a sandpit and something he didn’t understand and you’re like, ‘Yeah, sure, mate’ and then the kid tells it and it’s only halfway through that you realise what he’s seen is some weird porn site and you thought that maybe his kid sister peed in the backyard.

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It’s the worst.

I would literally die if this was happening to me.

I love how Pat sneaks a quick look before sneaking out the window; nothing like getting a perv on while trying a grand escape.

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Also, did the teacher really just OK all of this?

I remember when I had one of my kids, who was younger, who asked me a question just about his undies, and I called the office (we had many amazing admins, and one was named Jodie, who the kids and staff just adored) and I was like, ‘He’s your problem now’ and she just laughed because I was like, ‘I cannot deal with this shit’. (Hey, I’m in high school, before you judge. When a kid reaches me, the rules are very different. It’s not like I’m referring to a prep kid that peed his pants or something that you’d kind of expect.)

Pat and Kat have fun paintballing, and I have no interest in paintballing because while I’m an excellent shot – not even kidding, I’ll see if I can post a photo of Jacob, Sophie, Scott and I after we completed an escape room and then we got to play laser tag and I wasn’t even dressed for laser tag – it was New Year’s, so I was wearing a dress – and I had the best shooting rate and best non-being-shot at rate, and before you think whatever, I did that with a gun that only worked for ten minutes during the entire game. By gun misfunctioned, so I had maybe ten minutes of actual play, where I could get shot without being able to shoot back until the last few minutes where I was given a new, working gun, and I was still the best.

Ask them. Everyone stared at the board afterward and asked who ‘that’ was, and I was like, ‘Me.’

Imagine how good I could be not in a dress. I’m very Barny when it comes to laser tag.

But not the point. Paintballing = lots of bruises, and I bruise easy (red hair, fair skin), whereas laser tag involves all the shooting but I don’t have welts on my body afterwards.

Pat then asks Kat to the prom (it’s a formal in Australia, just so you know, you Americans) and she gets pissy.

Bianca finally develops a personality and gets up Cameron for not asking her out and asks if what he’s looking for is up his ass.

Bianca and her father fight about the fact that her dad is unhinged, which is not untrue.

Bianca is so much less annoying now.

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Kat confesses to Bianca about her past with Joey, and while I can understand Bianca’s pissed, I think it’s disappointing that she doesn’t empathise at all with Kat. Though, I definitely get her anger, and I definitely think she has every right to be angry.

I love that the movie makes it clear that Kat goes to the formal for her sister, not for any other reason.

I think that’s a great reason to go to the prom.

I like how Bianca is incredibly intelligent when she wants to be.

I wonder if Emma Stone used Bianca Stratford for inspiration when she wore this dress:

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I’m so glad Bianca stands Joey up. I love how she makes him know he’s meaningless by not even saying anything.

I like that Mandella and Michael have found each other and are cute together, but I loved the actress who plays Mandella in Centre Stage. It’s a ballet movie.

You gotta be cruel to be kind, cruel to be kind, in the right measure, cruel to be kind, it’s a very good sign.

Chastity tells Bianca about the bet.

Joey interrupts Kat and Pat, letting Kat know about the bet.

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Also, I’m just saying, Mr Morgan wasn’t lying: Someone’s about to get bitch slapped, and goddamn, when Bianca throws some punches, I’ve never been more proud.

Bianca punches him twice in the nose – one for her date who Joey just punched, one for her sister, and then she knees him in the nuts for her.

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I love how Bianca’s grown enough to run out to at least check on her sister.

Bianca is a much better person know that she’s with Cameron, or maybe she’s just realised that popularity isn’t what it seems, but I love the character development.

Kat tells her dad that Bianca beat up Joey.

The dad shows how to be a dad by letting his daughter go to Sarah Lawrence.

I love Mr Morgan.

Alright, I’m including the video because we all know everyone wants to see the poem. It’s one of the best parts.

Kat and Pat make up cause he bought her guitar with some extra cash he had lying around, and I love this movie.

Honestly, it’s aged extremely well.

I rate this 🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸martini glasses.

Standout performances: The Joker and Robin

The worst thing about this movie: The way everyone seems to think it would be insane to date Kat. 

What would you like this 90’s Bitch to review next? What are your problematic faves?

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4 thoughts on “I’m A 90’s Bitch: 10 Things I Hate About You

  1. hertung wert says:

    What exactly is funny about kicking a guy in the balls so fucking hard he needs surgery?
    That scene is disgusting. Especially the “he kicked himself in the balls” part.
    How does this not make Kat a disgusting, violent piece of shit?
    And why is something like this presented to children as funny and admirable?
    Why does a rolemodel for girls do this, and why do boys have to listen to this dehumanizing crap?
    What about it is funny? How is this funnier, than if a girl had to have surgery to repair her vagina, that a guy fucked up with a violent act?

    Like

    • thingscarlaloves says:

      You’re talking about one scene? That I didn’t even say was funny? I literally focused on all the other things I found funny in that scene, EXCEPT that.

      Oh, was it dehumanzing for Bianca to be a bet? Was it dehumanzing when the same guy that took advantage of Kat, Bianca’a older sister, tried to do the very same to her? Was it dehumanzing when everyone felt that Kat was worthless? Was it dehumanzing when Kat was assaulted by the guy in the cafeteria? Was it dehumanzing every time Kat was kicked out of English for expressing her opinion, even when the guys who were being WORSE THAN HER stayed? Imagine if you were DEHUMANIZED for several years, which is what the character has been set up for – both in the original Taming of the Shrew, and this remake – and then someone assaults you, for the millionth time that year, and then we can talk about how you think a joke from the late 90s is somehow about the tragedy of men. Like, dude, I dunno what your problem is, but I’ve got plenty of posts you could whine about and not look like an absolute dud on, because this just seems like you’re clutching at straws while drowning.

      But, I guess, if that’s what you want to do – make sure you check out all the other problematic 90s things I reviewed. Friends makes a lot of poor-taste jokes, and I know I did a few Friends reviews. Otherwise, let’s tone the extreme hyperbolism about what one line appears to be in bad taste after a woman’s been assaulted by a man.

      Also, there’s this new TV show you should watch, I’m guessing. It’s called Unbelievable. It’s on Netflix. Might wanna check that out, cause Kat literally says he groped her, which is sexual assault, and your problem is with how she defended herself, as opposed to how he, you know, assaulted her.

      Like

      • hertung wert says:

        Of course you said it was funny. You said you laugh every time she talks about his testicle surgery.
        They don’t even disclose the fact that she was assaulted in that scene. I guess they conveniently left that part out. They make it seem like she was having an argument with the guy.
        And sorry, but violently fucking up someone’s genitals so bad they need surgery is on another level than being insensitive, saying sexist things or making someone leave a classroom.
        Apart from that, none of the things you mentioned were presented as funny or cool, but as fucked up, unfair and wrong.
        And I don’t know what you’re on about regarding “the tragedy of men”, I’m just saying that this particular scene, where it is presented like Kat was just “expressing her opinion” to the boy, instead of defending herself, is fucked up.

        And I doubt that you’ll find any show or movie, that portrays violently mutilating a girl’s vagina as funny or cool. They probably make jokes about women having to cook or clean or something.
        Also, in 10 things, they don’t joke ABOUT fucking up a guy’s balls; they portray fucking up a guy’s balls as a joke.
        That’s the same difference as having a character make a rape-joke, and having a character being raped, and presenting it as funny.

        Like

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