“I’m not being a dick, but …”
Isn’t it funny how whenever someone says that, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they’re about to be a dick?
And by funny, I don’t mean funny at all.
It’s like when people say, “I’m not racist, but …”
There isn’t a statement that begins with “I’m not being racist” that doesn’t end in that said statement being racist.
And if you’re about to make a racist statement, that probably means you’re racist, by the way.
I’ve been watching Teen Mom recently (for writing ideas, not for pleasure – fortunately the former has definitely delivered) and I’ve learnt a large number of things, many of which will probably eventually appear in a few blog posts. Like always, if you have anything you want me to cover, let me know!
One of these things is a reminder of just how much I don’t want kids.
But the other one, the more important one, is just how bad the majority of the relationships portrayed on the show are.
I’m not saying the mums are in any way perfect. Some are absolutely awful people and treat their partners poorly. (Please note, I’m not entirely sure what season it is, but it’s one of the early ones – way before that irrational Farrah chick. Or maybe after, but still early on.)
But, for this article in particular, I’m going off of the season I’ve been watching, so my opinions are based off of that season entirely. (Plus, I don’t think I could ever touch a Farrah episode without my mind exploding. I’ve seen her in trailers and snippets before and that shit is batshit.)
Through the season I’ve been watching, I’ve learnt one very important thing: for the most part, the men portrayed are terrible human beings.
Seriously, I don’t get how they aren’t even fake acting to try and look good for the cameras. I’m totally confused about why they don’t at least pretend. I mean, god, dude, don’t you realise people are watching you and judging you?
I know I sure am.
Anyway, I digress.
Most of the girls, again for the most part, seem to step up to the plate and understand the seriousness and consequences of parenthood. (Seriously, one guy felt that he didn’t need to buy any baby stuff because the baby had like a month to go still so there was so much time and why buy anything until the baby arrived? The awkward part was that the mother went into labour after that conversation. Which could’ve been careful editing, but they also showed her baby staying at the NICU and I think it had a heart problem or something incredibly serious, so either they stole someone else’s kid or that really happened.)
Unfortunately, this does not seem to resonate with the fathers quite as strongly.
I get that these people are between sixteen and twenty, and that’s being generous.
However, guys, you’ve got to understand one very important thing: if you’re going to have sex, you need to consider the consequences, too.
I don’t, for one minute, think it’s only the man’s responsibility, and that is not what I’m saying at all.
However, about half of the pregnancies on the show resulted because the girl couldn’t get birth control for some reason, and the guy refused to wear a condom and then was surprised that babies happen.
Yeah, I wish I was making this shit up. Except, I’ve taught a bunch of kids, and I don’t even doubt this isn’t real. I mean, I know reality TV show is fake a bullshit (which I’ve never understood that term. Why is bull crap fake? What did the bulls ever do? And … digressing – but if someone knows the answer about what’s so bad about bull poo we use it to call people out on lying, please, feel free to let me know) but I’m also a teacher.
Kids are really like that.
I also watched as a guy blamed the mother of his unborn baby for the unplanned pregnancy because he doesn’t like to wear condoms.
One guy said he didn’t even like the word (condoms!) and started yelling because his girlfriend mentioned it as she “want to be safe to avoid any future accidents”.
Fucking take responsibility, mate.
If you aren’t going to wear a condom, then you need to discuss what happens if the girl you are sleeping with falls pregnant.
You need to know whether abortion or adoption is an issue with the person you’re sleeping with. (Seriously – just because you feel favourable about one option, doesn’t mean the other person does. It’s something you should actually consider.)
You need to be prepared to step up to the plate and be a father.
(Obviously, this issue is separate to people who want to have an abortion. It should be noted that even with protection, accidents happen and choosing an abortion is completely okay. This is about addressing the part where the guys aren’t taking any responsibility before, during, or after.)
You also need to accept that you need to be a dad, and you need to consider the mother’s feelings in relation to everything, whether or not you want to remain romantically connected with her (which is perfectly acceptable if you don’t).
As a father, you need to make sure that you are providing for your family, whether you are together or not (and I don’t necessarily mean financially. I mean providing support. If you prefer financially, or financially is easier, then go for it).
If you aren’t getting up every night and taking care of the baby 24/7, you need to consider that you should at least be helping somewhat financially.
You also need to realise that pregnancy and after the birth (especially depending on the delivery) can be incredibly difficult for the mother.
If she has a c-section, she’s just had major surgery.
She can’t work.
You need to.
You cannot just buy whatever you want (unless you’re rich and have full parental support).
You need to consider what is best for your family.
You cannot tell your partner that you needed “you” time and disappear and change plans without telling them.
You cannot enter and leave your child’s life as you please and not expect consequences.
You cannot be a dick and think saying, “I’m not being a dick” fixes it, or makes you any of less of a dick.
If you want to have sex, go for it (just be safe and smart).
But you have to accept the consequences.
This is not “boys will be boys”.
Men: you need to take responsibility, just like every other human being.
You need to make sacrifices.
You lost your right to do whatever you want whenever you want the moment you had a child.
And you need to accept it.
I’m not being a dick, but …
The truth hurts.